Que Pasa, Perro? Walkthrough

SPOILER FREE WALKTHROUGH

QUE PASA PERRO
S
TOMAR PELOTA
N
DAR PELOTA
QUE PASA PERRO
S
S
E
S
TOMAR DINERO
N
O
N
TOMAR JAMON
S
E
N
N
DAR JAMON
QUE PASA PERRO
S
TOMAR PAPEL
S
O
O
TOMAR AEROSOL
TOMAR SIERRA
E
S
USAR SIERRA
TOMAR ESCALERA
N
E
E
S
USAR ESCALERA
TOMAR GATO
N
O
N
N
DAR GATO
QUE PASA PERRO
S
S
E
E
N
TOMAR CAMARA
N
O
O
N
N
USAR AEROSOL
USAR AEROSOL
USAR AEROSOL
USAR CAMARA
S
S
E
E
N
DAR FOTO
N
O
O
N
N
DAR LIBRO
QUE PASA PERRO
S
S
O
MIRAR MENSAJE (WRITE DOWN THIS NUMBER!)
E
E
N
USAR TECLADO
3
9
(ENTER THE NUMBER YOU WROTE DOWN EARLIER)
1
TOMAR PLUTONIO
O
S
O
N
N
DAR PLUTONIO
E
N

FULL WALKTHROUGH

Item 1 - The Ball

The game begins in Paco's backyard, with Paco and the dog. The structure involves asking the dog what he wants, finding it, and giving it to him, then repeating the process until you've found all of the items. So first, start off by asking:

QUE PASA, PERRO?

(this is the only sentence more than two words long that will be accepted by the parser. It's also the only one that has punctuation.) He will tell you he wants a PELOTA (ball). To the east (E) is a locked shed - there's nothing to do here for the moment. Head south (S) to enter Paco's house. You will find a ball lying on the floor. Take it. ("TOMAR PELOTA"). The text also mentions the SILLA (chair) and TELEVISION (television). Look at them for some clues for later puzzles. Anyway, once you've got the ball, head back north (N). Give the ball to the dog ("DAR PELOTA"), and the dog will be pleased. You will also be given a password to resume your progress. (When you restart, enter them without the quotes.) Just ask him for the next item ("QUE PASA, PERRO?") and you'll be on your way to find the second item.

Item 2 - The Ham

This puzzle is still easy, but does require that you traverse the city. From the backyard, go south twice. To the west is the townssquare, but you'll need some cash first before you can buy anything. Go east, and then south to the park. TOMAR DINERO to take the money lying on the ground. (Remember the cat in the tree for later.) Go north, and west twice to go to the town, then north into the jamoneria. Buy the ham (TOMAR JAMON), return to the backyard and give it to him (DAR JAMON).

Item 3 - The Cat

Remember the cat? He's stuck in the tree! But the tree is too high you to reach him. There are a few steps for this one, but first from the backyard, head south. You'll see a little white thing sticking out of the chair. MIRAR SILLA to reveal that it's a piece of paper. TOMAR PAPEL to take it - it's a saw license. Head south, west to the townssquare, and west again to enter the store. TOMAR SIERRA to take the buzzsaw. (The owner won't sell it to you without that license you found.)

You might try to cut down the tree using the saw, but no - the tree is too thick. There's another solution though. From the townsquare, head south into the ghetto. There's a ladder there, but it belongs to the bum and he won't let you have it. He doesn't speak Spanish so you can't bargain him for it, so the only solution is to kill him with the saw. (Either MATAR VAGABUNDO or USAR SIERRA - if you haven't bought the saw, you'll be killed instead.) It may seem harsh, but it is a necessary sacrifice for the dog. After taking out the bum, take the ladder (TOMAR ESCALERA), head back to the park (N, E, E, S), use the ladder (USAR ESCALERA) and take the cat (TOMAR GATO). Head back to the backyard and give it to the dog (DAR GATO).

Item 4 - The math textbook

This puzzle is sort of ridiculous. If you've explored the world, you've probably found the school. If not, from the backyard, it's south twice, east twice, then north to enter. There are some text books hear, but if you try to take them, you'll be told that you aren't a student. Upon talking to the teacher (HABLAR PROFESORA) she'll mention that she likes Paco, who she also has a photo of on her desk. You might be able to trade something with her though. There is also a camera on the floor, which is the next clue. Take the camera (TOMAR CAMARA), and take note of the seemingly gibberish notes on the blackboard - you'll need that for later.

You can go back and try taking pictures of Paco, but they will end up looking boring. If only you could spice them up a bit. In the back yard, take note of the descriptive text mentioning the sun, which is a vital clue. For the next part, you'll need the aerosol. If you haven't gotten it already, it's in the store (south twice, west twice) and buy it (TOMAR AEROSOL). If you MIRAR AEROSOL it'll mention it has CFCs, if you USAR AEROSOL it'll warn you about global warming.

So, head back to the backyard, and USAR AEROSOL three times. It will cause global warming on such a scale that it will get too hot and Paco will take off his shirt. Now, take a picture of him (USAR CAMARA) and you now have a sexy photo of Paco. Head back to the school, give the photo to the teacher (DAR FOTO) and she'll give you the textbook. Head back to the dog, DAR LIBRO and you're on the way to the final item!

Item 5 - The plutonium

Stay in the backyard for approximately three turns. Once you head into the house, you'll head a crashing noise. Head to the townssquare, and see that a boulder has crashed, destroying the whole place. (If you head to the townssquare too quickly, you'll be get crushed too.) (Who did this? Notice the catapult by the shed in the backyard. Hmmmm.) The guy from the general store is dead, but has written a message in blood (LEE ME = READ ME). Look at it (MIRAR MENSAJE) and it will give you a "numero" (numeral). This number changes every game, so write it down!

The plutonium is obviously in the nuclear power plant to the north of the crossroads. To get in, though, you'll need to find the four digit password to get in. There are clues you need to piece together to find it. First, go back to the living room in the house and look at the TV (MIRAR TELE). The show will proclaim "EL PERRO NUMERO UNO!". This is the code but you need to descipher it. Now head back to the classroom and take a look at the blackboard. Some of it is nonsense, but you'll also find that "El" = "III" (or 3) and "Perro" = "IX" (or 9). This is half the code. Remember the NUMERO scribbled in blood - that's the third digit. The fourth word is "UNO", which just means "1". That's the whole deciphed code!

So, go to the power plant, use the keypad (USAR TECLADO), and enter (pressing Enter after every digit):

3
9
Number you got from the message written in blood
1

You'll enter automatically. Take the plutonium (TOMAR PLUTONIO), head to the backyard, and give it (DAR PLUTONIO). Paco and the dog will disappear. Go east to the shed, enter it (to the north) and watch the ending.

3.) DEATH SEQUENCES

-Kill anyone except the bum or the dog (MATAR HOMBRE in the stores, MATAR PACO in the backyard, MATAR GATO in the park or if you have it in your inventory, etc.)

You'll immediately be sent to the firing range. The "last smoke" cigarette is rather quaint and indicative of the era this is supposed to take place in - you don't see that much any more, do you?

-Kill the dog (MATAR PERRO)

The best part about this death scene is how incredibly vague it is. It just says that "you will pay for your transgressions against the dog", and the dog looks kinda angry, but that's it. Apparently it just wills you out of existence? Who knows.

-Kill the hobo without having the saw

The hobo will bite your arm and eat it. He is hungry, after all! The look on your guy's face is priceless. Also notice how happy the bum is in contrast to when he's just lying around in the ghetto.

-Use the radio in the ham store

The song "Guantanamara" is fairly well known amongst English speakers, but I don't think anyone actually knows the lyrics beyond the chorus. So imagine that repeated 30,000 times over and over - your head would explode too, wouldn't it? The radio has no other use than to kill you.

-Look into the sun after using the aerosol can three times

If you look into the sun under any other circumstances it will warn you how dangerous it is. But after you've warmed it up it'll cause your eyeballs to light ablaze. This has been pointed out to be an accidental homage to Portopia, where you'll get warned that this will happen if you try to use your magnifying glass on the sun.

-Enter a wrong digit on the keypad to the power plant

It'll blow up the whole town. Pretty much just a homage to Maniac Mansion. Actually the whole puzzle to get the code to enter the power plant is also a homage to Maniac Mansion, although here it's a bit more elaborate. (The code to get into the lab was hidden in the high score tables of an arcade game.)

-Guess the complete code to the power plant before being told to get the plutonium

You can technically get the first four items in any order, but you need to wait until the end to get the fifth. Giving the textbook is what triggers the destruction of the town, which will then reveal the third digit via the bloody message. The third digit is randomized, however, but of course it is possible to guess it. The odds of doing this are 1 in 9 (without replacement) since if you guess wrong, the whole power plant explodes. However, if you manage to guess correctly before you're supposed to, then the gods of probability balance out the universe by dropping a giant ham on you. Those Spaniards sure do love their ham. (If you want to try this yourself, try typing SECRET to reveal the number.)

-Kill yourself (MATARSE)

Most text adventure games let you kill yourself. Most don't explain how you do it, but in this case you merely explode.

It actually does serve a function - when hunting down the final object, the game won't let you quit or restart (the dog will not allow it). So other than forceably shutting down the window, the only proper way to exit is to get yourself killed, either through one of the available methods above, or through your own hands, if you prefer.

-Hang out in the ghetto for too long

If you stay in the ghetto for more than ten turns, you are kidnapped and sold into slavery. (This counter resets if you head into the backyard of the house.) You then meet your wife and are happily married, until she dies of Super Gonorrhea.

I thought being kidnapped and SOLD was funny, but that led into whole "reverse rape as humor" trope, which I don't find funny. Instead I subverted it by showing you happy in a "death" sequence, though only momentarily. The death subroutine will always trigger the "QUE LASTIMA!" picture, and I didn't want to make a new one or change it to show a happy ending - it's already three times as long as any other death sequence - so I killed her off so that screen would still make sense. Sorry, hideous looking fictional character that exists for two images, that you had to die because I'm a bit lazy.

-Get hit by the rock as you enter the townssquare

From the moment you give the textbook to the dog, a counter will start. After three turns, the boulder will hit the town, and will squash you if you're there. The only way to get hit by this is to immediately go south twice then west. If you're following the usual process of the game, asking "QUE PASA PERRO" after giving the book, then that counts as a turn, so you'll be safe. 

-Take the body of the vagrant after you've killed him

From beyond the grave, the curse will turn you to bones a la the Holy Grail in The Last Crusade.

When I was play testing this, one of the site staff members mentioned it would be interesting/sadistic to let you pick up the bum's head and carry it around, even though there was no use for it. I didn't want to draw any art for the ghetto or add any more variables to risk introducing any bugs at such a late state, plus it would slightly ruin the running gag of items exploding when you no longer had a use for them, but I did think it would make an interesting death sequence. I like the idea that the game is so racist, that it portrays the Swedish as not only being lazy, stupid and dirty, but also cannibals with magic curses to kill people from beyond the grave. Plus some semblance of karmic justice for the game's psychopathy is justified, I think.